There are a couple of different things on my mind today I’d like to write about… But right now I am going to write about something that I told myself up until now that I would never put out on the internet for all to read. Probably because I realize I am really opening myself up here for people to pass a judgment on what they think of me, which has always in the past been a big issue especially concerning my own self esteem. But as I stated in my last blog, I am starting to understand that I don’t really need anyone’s approval…. So here goes…
As some of you already know, I have been suffering from doomsday/apocalypse nightmares/dreams/night terrors for a couple of years now. A couple of different people have encouraged me to write about it, and it had already crossed my mind that I should, so perhaps this is the first of several posts I might write about these dreams.
I didn’t tell anyone about these dreams until I had already been having them for about a year or so. Let me just say that when I first started having these dreams, my relationship with God was in shambles. I believe they started, if I remember correctly, when I had been recently divorced, I was in the process of moving to WV, and Hailey was about 2 or so. So if you know me personally, that gives you somewhat a timeline. Unfortunately, I have never kept a diary of these dreams; therefore I cannot give you exact dates. Perhaps that is something I will start doing….
As I have stated before in posts about my own testimony, when I was quite young my relationship with God was very good. In fact, for a long time I held that time as a high point in my life, because I felt like when that part of me began to fall apart everything else started falling apart with it. It has taken me until the last couple of years to start picking up the pieces of my Christian walk, and everything else with it. I feel that when I was younger God was calling me into ministry, but I gave it up to pursue my own wants and needs. When I later came to a point where everything had fallen apart (my marriage, my whole life, in general.. Actually) I began having vivid, disturbing “end of the world dreams”. When I would wake from these dreams I would wake with a real urge to witness to everyone I knew about God, for fear that we would all die and not only would I have failed in this life at everything God called me to do, but everyone I loved will have died without knowing God because I did not tell them. I should also stress the fact that these dreams started happening almost every night for a couple of years….
I’m not going to say that I literally spoke to God and he gave me some sort of message. But what I WILL say is that I have had particular dreams that I knew were different than others. I woke with a definite sense that it had meaning. I believe that I was at a point in my life where God was trying to remind me of my purpose and bring me back to where I needed to be. Since I have started picking up the pieces, I no longer have dreams of this nature. By “nature”, I mean the ones which leave me feeling like I am utterly failing at leading people around me to God.
BUT, with that said, I do still have “end of the world” dreams. I don’t have them every night… Usually I have them once or twice a week. Sometimes these dreams feel as though they have a clear message, but sometimes they are just down right horrifying end of the world scenarios.
In these dreams I have watched/experienced tsunamis, tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, snow storms, volcanic eruptions, etc. In these dreams the experiences happen in different places, sometimes in places I have never been, such as NY and CA (or islands of Hawaii I have not been to).
I am not saying that I believe these things are going to happen on “doomsday” which is later this month. But a piece of me does believe that these events will come to pass at some point in time. Perhaps these things will not happen even in my own lifetime; perhaps my only purpose is to write about them? I have not figured this part out yet exactly.
“There will be great earthquakes, famines and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven.”
As I said before, perhaps this will not be the last post you read from me regarding these things…. I additionally wanted to say though, that I believe it is important to acknowledge that regardless of whether or not “doomsday”, or the rapture, or any type of catastrophic event is in our future, we should ALWAYS live to be ready to leave this world. We never know when our last day will be, but we each move closer to it with every breath we take.